His True Feelings
by animeloverani
Summary: Extra story to 'Then There Was Him'. Roy's point of view. Slight AU and OOC I suppose. Roy finds Ed diary, what will he make up of what is written...? Can he bring himself to hurt the boy more that he already is...? RoyXEd


**Okay, this is a side story to 'And Then There Was Him'. But this is Roy's point of view. After taking the crushed 15-year old under his care, Roy finds a book he mistakes for Ed's Alchemy journal…. How will the Flame alchemist deal now that he knows almost all of Ed's secret thoughts and feelings…? Read and find out in 'His True Feelings'. Oviously I do not own Full Metal Alchemist!! Now enjoy!**

I run through dark halls with my men. The lights are either out, broken, or flickering. This area called Lab 5, what has been going on in here; I can't help but wonder as I run. We run into a brightly lit room, a strange transmutation circle is drawn on the ground, and a little ways from there, Edward Elirc lies in a mess on something. I can't make it out at this distance but it looks like a suit of…. Oh my god…. My first luteniet, Riza Hawkeye, and I walk briskly to the young Alchemist, and my fear is proven right… Ed is lying on Alphones armored body, and crying.

We stare in shock. I've never seen Ed like this, except the incident with Berry the Chopper. But even then, it wasn't this bad. I knew Ed was practically broken. This was as much as he could take. Riza got down with him as I just stared.

She tried to talk to him, to get him to stand up. But the moment she took his arm to lift him, he yelled at her, something he's never done or would have done. We stare at him as we see his face tear stained and eyes red and puffy. He was still crying….

Riza tried to talk to him again but he yelled again, "Al's gone!!! I failed him!! Al's gone and I can't bring him back this time!!!" And it hit me; Ed just lost the last of his family…. Riza looked like she was about to hug him, but I beat her to it. I don't know what came over me, but I just had to hold him at that moment.

He clenched my shirt with his flesh and metal hands and he kept crying about not being able to save Al. I escorted him out as this continued and I knew he needed out of that place. When I got him to a car, I stopped when he said He'd failed his brother and his mother.

I gave him a small smile and pat his head gently, and said, "You didn't do anything wrong Edward…" He started to cry again. I knew I couldn't take him back to the place where he and AL had been living, so I had Havoc go to get his things and I took Ed to my place.

And that's how it all started….

**--Present--**

I wake up and run my hand through my short black hair, drenched in sweat from remembering that day. I groan and place, my head in my hands at the memory of seeing Ed in that state. I look to the clock to see it was pretty much noon. I had taken a few days off of work to watch Ed, we'd both be returning in about a day or two.

I sigh and get up. I get ready to go wake up the young blond when I realize I'm only in a pair of stripped boxers. I quickly put on a pair of baggy pajama pants so Ed won't feel awkward when I wake him, and then mumble something about my house and I can walk around however I want. I should have gone to bed at a good time last night instead of staying up in the study.

I walk out my room and down the hall. I knock on the door to Ed's room and walk in to see him still asleep. I sigh and walk over to him. "Edward…" I say and receive a groan. I look more closely to see his hair down and slightly spread at the base of his neck. He hadn't done anything to his hair, guess he took it down last night. "Edward, wake up." I try again and shake him a bit.

He rolls over with another groan and rubs his eyes as he tries to bring things into focus. When his large, gold eyes are looking up at me, I smile gently and tell him that he should go take a shower. He nods his head absentmindedly, making me think he must still be half asleep.

I walk out and prepare to head down stairs to start dinner. I then remember that Riza was going to bring by some papers, and that I'm still half naked. I run back up to my room and throw on a plain gray T-shirt. I'll take a shower and get properly dressed later. My house, I can wear what I want. I walk past Ed's room because he left the door open.

I see his favorite red jacket on the ground and go to pick it up. As I do so, something falls out. I look over to find a small red book. I heard Ed talk about an Alchemy journal he's kept since he was young, I wonder if this is it. I pick it up and read the first few pages, to my shock and amusement, it's his diary.

_Dear Diary,_

_I can't believe this! Mom's dead, but I'm going to bring her back! Stupid Dad…. He never came home and Mom has been waiting for him since he left!! I know it's against the law but this plan if full proof. Al and I have all the right things… We're bringing her back…._

I was stunned. The page had a long description of an attempt at Human Alchemy, and tear stains…. I flip a few pages.

…_We failed…. We couldn't bring Mom back…. Whatever that thing was, it wasn't even human. I lost my leg too…. Al…. God…. Al lost his body… I used my blood and gave my arm to bind Al's soul to a suit of armor…. What have I done….? Thanks to Winry I now at least have automail limbs._

I saw a few blood smears and skimmed a few pages covering his entrance to the State Alchemist Exam at 12. I smile feeling pride and joy swell inside of me as I remember the day he performed Alchemy without a transmutation circle for the first time. I skim a bit more and find some on the Berry incident and his travels. What caught my attention was one of the more recent ones; it had my name in it…..

_Dear Diary,_

_*sigh* I can't believe this… I've been a dog of the state for almost two years now. My superior, cornel Mustang…. God… he gets on my nerves with that 'I-know-more-than-you' smirk or his, but he's also looks so drop dead sexy… *mentally drools* But he could never like me like that…._

I think I just dropped the book, but I'm too shocked to notice, I lost focus after 'he looks so drop dead sexy'….. I skim a few more pages and fins more about this calling me sexy and hot, and a few on dreams he had, OMG!!! Ed has dreamt about me naked..! Curious, I read a bit more only for it to say 'But then Al woke me up saying I was late.'

I suddenly hear the water stop running and suddenly become aware that I'm still in Ed's room. I tuck the diary into his jacket and run out the room. Ed just exits the room as I reach the stairs.

"What are you doing?" He ask me in his tight, sleeveless black top, and baggy black pants that pretty much hide his feet.

I smile at him, he looks so innocent, and now I feel really bad and guilty… "Nothing, just thinking about taking a shower after I make breakfast." I say and walk downstairs.

I enter the kitchen and quickly pull out some butter, some eggs, bread, jam, and a pan. I turn on the burner and start to melt the butter as I throw some bread in the toaster and grab a glass cup from the cupboard. I check the butter to make sure there is a bit left as I grab juice from the fridge and start some coffee. Edward hates milk, so I give him juice; coffee will just stunt his growth more.

I crack the eggs into the pan and throw away the shells as I start to cook them up. The toast pops out and I butter the pieces and add jam to them, placing them on two plates. I scrabble up the eggs and pull out my creamer and sugar. Just as Ed walks into the kitchen, I turn off the burner and serve the eggs onto the plates. I place the plates at the table, and serve Ed his juice and poor myself some coffee.

He scratches the back of his head, I took note of this, that he only does that when he gets shy or embarrassed. I smile at him, "come on Ed, I can't eat all of this myself." I say and he happily joins me.

Ed cleaned the dishes and I went to shower, Riza came over with the papers, and I was dressed neatly now. Ed had invited her into the house and when I came down, still towel drying my hair, he was serving her coffee. "Hello Hawkeye." I greet as I walk in. She nods to me with her ever serious face thanking Ed for the cup.

I sit down and Ed goes to the other room. We talked about what everyone was doing; apparently worrying about Ed is on everyone's mind. I reassure her that that we'd be back soon to work. With a small smile she prepared to leave, but only after saying goodbye to Ed who was in my study, looking at a book I had in there.

"Is this where you go every day?" I ask him. He blushes a bit and nods meekly. "You're welcome to read any of the books in here Ed." I assure him, and it seems to help because she smiles and thanks me.

I remember his diary and wonder what he'll write next…. Okay, now I feel all guilty for reading for invading his privacy, but I'm also really curious. I guess I'll have to remember how long Ed takes in the shower.

**Animeloverani: Yeah, so… tell me what you think. This one will defiantly be longer than 'Then There Was Him' but… I hope those of you who have read my other story. I thank ye for reading. ^^**

**Roy: Yes, well I think this is a bit OOC for me….**

**Ani: My story, I'll make you and Ed however I want.**

**Ed: WTF!!!!!!!**

**Ani: Ah!!! He found me!!! *Runs***


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